This is part 2 of a 2-part course on Conflict Recovery – how leaders recover from a conflict and lead their teams in a journey to reconciliation and restoration.

In my previous article, I shared the first Principle, Principle #1,”Go To The Balcony” – Withdraw to Reflect.

Let me continue with Principle #2, “A Lion’s Heart” – Courage to Act

Principle # 2 – “A Lion’s Heart” – Courage to Act

Courage is in short supply today.

Reflection is the first step. After taking strategic pauses, leaders need to act decisively. Conflict recovery takes courage. Leaders need to make personal decisions to help them recover. This may mean acknowledging our role in conflict, adopting a new mindset, making lifestyle changes such as improving communication skills or seeking professional help, and moving on.

Relationally, there is no guarantee that relationships with conflicting parties will return to normalcy. A failed relationship must not prevent us from building new relationships and forging stronger old relationships. Paradoxically, acting courageously sometimes may mean waiting for us and the conflicting person to recover. It takes time, and patience is key in this process.

Thirty odd years ago, I fractured my right thigh while playing rugby. This injury, and the subsequent recovery process, taught me valuable lessons about resilience and perseverance that I’ve applied to my personal and professional life. Till today, I had never fully recovered from that injury. My left leg is shorter than the right and I still struggle stooping. If a physical fracture takes so long to heal, how much more will emotional scars?

However, that fracture did not stop me from walking, running, or bicycling. I recovered by continually using it, knowing at the same time, my limitations and that I may fracture it again.

It is the same as relational recovery. Although relationships may not return to ‘business as usual,’ this does not stop me from risking new ones and strengthening old ones.

Organizationally, to act means to rebuild the team that is left behind by re-challenging them to a fresh vision, re-establishing core values, re-setting realistic goals, re-prioritizing activities, and most importantly, re-learning from mistakes. This process of learning from our missteps is crucial for growth and success, and it’s the leader’s responsibility to guide the team through it.

Remember, indecision is a decision in itself.

When we delay in deciding, we are essentially choosing to maintain the status quo or allow circumstances to dictate the outcome. As someone wisely says, ‘Procrastination is the door to ‘too late’. Therefore, it’s crucial for leaders to make timely decisions, even if they are difficult or uncomfortable.

Principle # 3 – “Gentle as A Lamb” – Be Humble to Apologize & Forgive

After humiliating and domino effect failures, humility is a crucial ingredient to making conflict recovery work. Ego is the great curse of most leaders, often preventing them from recovering effectively. In Asia, face saving is another culprit that prevents conflict recovery.

Obviously, we have made some errors in judgment. We have made mistakes ourselves. But we refuse to acknowledge or/and apologize. Instead, we justify. We blame others. There is no doubt that others may have precipitated the downfall. But we need to take responsibility for how the conflict has turned out.

I have seen this often. Leaders refused to acknowledge their roles in the conflict and in areas they did wrong. The irony is that their failures to are apparent to others except themselves.

One leader confessed, “‘I am wrong’ is the most difficult three words to say. But when I mouth it, it frees me to reconnect with my team. Somehow, there seems to be renewed energy flowing out of this. They begin to realize that the boss is human, after all. They are also free to learn from their mistakes.”

Self-deception is another great enemy in the recovery process. We believe we are right when most people see how wrong we are.

Sometimes, we refuse to admit mistakes because we want to cling to power at all costs and refuse to bear the consequences of our failures.

Sometimes, we may indeed have been innocent victims of conspiracy. Humility, in this case, may involve accepting the consequences and moving on. Groveling in self-pity or bitterness only worsens the situation. Retaliating in revenge often spirals us downwards. Humility may involve non-retaliating and agreeing to disagree.

Recovery is only possible when there is humility.

Principle #4 – “Wounded Healer” – Reach Out to Reach In

That is the paradox of our recovery. Recovery begins with self-reflection but must move on to be others-centered again. “Self-Pre-occupation” will suck us in.”

Other Pre-occupation” will lift us out.

Our wounds are not solitary, they are part of the fabric of all relationships. Healing is not a solo act, it’s a collective effort that takes place within us as we learn to rebuild relationships. To recover is to acknowledge our fragility and yet, with warmth and genuineness, reach out to others.

To borrow a term from Henri Nouwen, a noted Jesuit priest and author, “We are truly wounded healers: Healing to Heal.”

When we reach out to others, we discover ourselves. We reach out to reach in.